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Rough and the smooth
Oct. 13th, 2009 02:16 pmI've been going through a bit of a rough patch emotionally the past 10 days or so, despite running well online. The problem is; you start feeling a bit down, so you take some carbs to boost you, which leads to being a bit more down when they wear off, so you eat some more carbs, which makes the mood swings worse, and all of a sudden you are in a vicious circle that's one hell of a bastard to break out of.
I even got a recurrence of insomnia last night and and twinges of agoraphobia when on the platform on London Bridge. Both of these are bad signs.
It's very tempting to try to put on a show when talking to people because, well, let's face it, no-one wants to hear in response to "How are you" the line "not too good, can I tell you about it?". Just as misery loves company, ordinary, happy (or at least, not sad) people, don't really know how to cope with people who are sad. So, you have a choice, you hide it (not because you are ashamed of it, but because you know it makes other people uncomfortable), or, if you can't hide it, you withdraw, because you know that you will be shit company.
The bout of insomnia was revelatory in a way. As I sat there, the old possibilities (lie there in the dark trying to get back to sleep, or turn on the radio, or get up) were joined by a fourth. Turn on the Netbook and check your emails/facebook. That at least passed a few minutes. I could even have played a bit of 1c-2c with the $7 I still have in my Ultimate account out of the free $25 that they gave me (can't beat those micro limit games!).
Eventually got up. Showered. Dressed. Made sandwiches. Went to work. Life goes on.
__________
I even got a recurrence of insomnia last night and and twinges of agoraphobia when on the platform on London Bridge. Both of these are bad signs.
It's very tempting to try to put on a show when talking to people because, well, let's face it, no-one wants to hear in response to "How are you" the line "not too good, can I tell you about it?". Just as misery loves company, ordinary, happy (or at least, not sad) people, don't really know how to cope with people who are sad. So, you have a choice, you hide it (not because you are ashamed of it, but because you know it makes other people uncomfortable), or, if you can't hide it, you withdraw, because you know that you will be shit company.
The bout of insomnia was revelatory in a way. As I sat there, the old possibilities (lie there in the dark trying to get back to sleep, or turn on the radio, or get up) were joined by a fourth. Turn on the Netbook and check your emails/facebook. That at least passed a few minutes. I could even have played a bit of 1c-2c with the $7 I still have in my Ultimate account out of the free $25 that they gave me (can't beat those micro limit games!).
Eventually got up. Showered. Dressed. Made sandwiches. Went to work. Life goes on.
__________
