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Warning, sexual stereotyping
Dec. 30th, 2009 01:16 pmA friend of mine has a two and a something bit old son. When he (the son, not the dad, who saves such experiments for after seven or eight pints) decides to be naughty along the lines of "I wonder if that chip pan full of smoking fat is hot" or experiments with how long he can scream in his dad's ear before dad gets annoyed, dad's instinct is to shout at him.
Mother does not approve of this. Instead, son has "the naughty step", which is, I suppose, the modern equivalent of "go and stand in the corner with the dunce's cap on", except that you don't have to do it in front of your peers.
However, there is one problem with "the naughty step" -- that being, son now simply says "shall I go and stand on the naughty step?" In other words, son now thinks "well, what's the big deal?" It's a bit like being poked with soft cushions and being made to sit in the comfy chair.
But, what's the theory? The theory is one of "social exclusion" and "you are different". Now, if you are a female, the hardwiring of social exclusion and being "different" is a considerable threat. You only have to look at simple anthropology to realize that the moment that one female is complimented on how she looks, she will not strut like a (male) peacock. She will instead be self-deprecating and say "oh, but you look good too!"
There are good prehistoric reasons for behaving like this -- co-operation is the name of the game for those raising the children.
Unfortunately, it doesn't apply to blokes or to young (male) kids, where the threat of "you are different" holds no such hard-wired horrors. Look how many young male adults (ghastly phrase, but accurate in this context) wear their electronic tags as badges of pride. The "naughty step" is the two-year-old's electronic tag. It's a kind of "well, so what?"
Now, dad's shouting ("roar"), well, that has an impact. That is, quite simply, scary. Which is I suspect, one reason that mum doesn't like it, because it scares her too. It's not the side of dad that mum particularly wants to see him now that he is a father rather than a suitor. It has echoes of bachelordom that do not fit in with mother's idea of "family".
I don't mention specific names here because I think this is a general point. I'm the best fan of kids learning by experience, providing that the damage from getting it wrong is not permanent. But if you do have to stop your two-year-old from even thinking about doing something, then the old Harry Enfield cry of "OI!!!! (Insert Name here) NO!!!!!" has a lot to recommend it.
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Mother does not approve of this. Instead, son has "the naughty step", which is, I suppose, the modern equivalent of "go and stand in the corner with the dunce's cap on", except that you don't have to do it in front of your peers.
However, there is one problem with "the naughty step" -- that being, son now simply says "shall I go and stand on the naughty step?" In other words, son now thinks "well, what's the big deal?" It's a bit like being poked with soft cushions and being made to sit in the comfy chair.
But, what's the theory? The theory is one of "social exclusion" and "you are different". Now, if you are a female, the hardwiring of social exclusion and being "different" is a considerable threat. You only have to look at simple anthropology to realize that the moment that one female is complimented on how she looks, she will not strut like a (male) peacock. She will instead be self-deprecating and say "oh, but you look good too!"
There are good prehistoric reasons for behaving like this -- co-operation is the name of the game for those raising the children.
Unfortunately, it doesn't apply to blokes or to young (male) kids, where the threat of "you are different" holds no such hard-wired horrors. Look how many young male adults (ghastly phrase, but accurate in this context) wear their electronic tags as badges of pride. The "naughty step" is the two-year-old's electronic tag. It's a kind of "well, so what?"
Now, dad's shouting ("roar"), well, that has an impact. That is, quite simply, scary. Which is I suspect, one reason that mum doesn't like it, because it scares her too. It's not the side of dad that mum particularly wants to see him now that he is a father rather than a suitor. It has echoes of bachelordom that do not fit in with mother's idea of "family".
I don't mention specific names here because I think this is a general point. I'm the best fan of kids learning by experience, providing that the damage from getting it wrong is not permanent. But if you do have to stop your two-year-old from even thinking about doing something, then the old Harry Enfield cry of "OI!!!! (Insert Name here) NO!!!!!" has a lot to recommend it.
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