Another loss

[peterbirks]

Another $100-odd loss at the 5-10, and already I'm beginning to wonder whether it was the right decision to try it. As I mentioned some posts ago, it's my mental strength that I worry about. Basically, I can't afford to care. I don't know if this is any kind of answer to BDD and DY below, but when I find myself shouting at the screen, shouting at myself (usually "don't get into battles, you fucking moron!") and generally hating the world, then even I have to wonder whether it's the right decision.

I can take a run of bad luck at 2-4. It doesn't bother me. But when AA gets cracked at 5-10 for another $130 pot, I get annoyed. And mentally I just can't afford it.

I know, I know, nothing that a little bit of luck won't cure instantly. But when the luck isn't there, it's a dangerous time for me. Even though the sum total so far has been a mere 15% of what's in my Party account and, well, no percent at all of the total bankroll. But all of a sudden the self-doubt creeps in. I don't have that worry at the lower level. But here, I say to myself maybe you just aren't good enough. How do I answer that?

How do I cope with this mental struggle? Easy answers on a postcard please. Now I'm off to a quiet $25 tourney on Stan James, where I really can relax, at least until the bubble approaches. 'Cos I've been getting some bad luck there the last few days as well. So much for avoiding the survivalist strategy. Doing just that has got me knocked out three times on the spin. You know it's right, but, man, it's counter-intuitive.

Oh dear, reraised again from a player behind me. Shit. Aces. Why do I play this game? Make that a $150 loss.

On the plus side, the wireless connection has sudenly decided to start working again.

Comments

[jellymillion.livejournal.com]

Basically, I can't afford to care

Tricky one, that. I certainly have my levels - and they vary by site, game and structure - where I'm confident that I'm going to win over a reasonable period of time. But I've moved up two or three levels in most games over the last 8 months or so. Each time I'd dip a metaphorical toe from time to time once the bankroll reached or exceeded the likely "comfort zone" for the next level. I'd back off quickly at any feeling of inadequacy (and there were loads) usually accompanied by a loss that I couldn't shake off. Then there'd be a period of retrenchment while I got my all-too-fragile game back.

It's felt like one step forward, one and a bit steps back, shuffle forward and try again. But there are several levels now that I feel completely comfortable in and I'm reasonably well advanced in the next round of toe-dipping.

But I expect to find a level above which I can't play without fear. And I'm not going to feel bad about it when I do: it's going to be at a point where I can't avoid thinking about how much "real" money is involved. It's easier for me to keep that at bay when I play in USD. This shouldn't really be an issue: all my poker money came from poker, it's not like I'm taking bread from the mouths of the children.

I say to myself maybe you just aren't good enough. How do I answer that?

Prove it. One way or another, prove it. How big a step is 3-6 to 5-10? Really? Maybe you are good enough, you just need to get used to seeing bigger numbers flying around. You're obviously going to get bigger swings in absolute terms but your bankroll's supposed to be big enough that they're not bigger relatively.

All that positive stuff and that aside, I'd say that if it's sufficiently uncomfortable, then you should back off for a bit or risk losing a part of your game. Which can be expensive to get back and it can take further backward steps to get going forward again.

I'm acutely aware that I was "suddenly" playing a significantly improved game over the long weekend. Not a new level, I was just playing as well as I can again. Nearly $300 in winnings helps. Or proves it. Or something.

[(Anonymous)]

Hi Pete,

In principle I'm with DY and BDD. Games are good and higher = more money to player of your caliber. But of course, if the value of controlling emotions better is high, you can also afford to NOT play with good job and nice tank.

Generally it's scary how quickly players get used to a new higher level. Maybe the screenshouting problem of yours in 5-10 fades away quickly and/or does not really depend on limits after all (it could easily be just a byproduct of concentrating so much to a new game).

Can you tell me more about the "hand-gathering software for party". Did not found anything from Empire poker's options.

Chhers,
Aksu

Getting The Used To It: Hand-gathering

[peterbirks.livejournal.com]

Hi Aksu. Yes, getting used to the money flying around is definitely the trick. I recall the same happening to me when I first moved up to $2-$4 in early 2002. I shouted at the screen, etc. But there is also a different style required -- at $2-$4 I can beat nearly ALL the players. I just have to shift my game accordingly. There are definitely players here who I can't beat and who are probably better than me. OK, all I have to do is avoid them. But this is new territory for me -- fopcusing on some players and steering clear of others. Previously it was just a matter of "Bring 'em all on!"

On Party Poker you now get your hand histories saved direct to hard disc, rather than needing to get them e-mailed. But it also works for tables you are watching. You go to auto-import, and then the "configure" part allows you to import observed tables. No idea if this works for Empire as well, but PT says "Party and affiliates", so I guess that it does.

The only problem is that if you gather info on 4 tables overnight, you end up with a large database very quickly!

Re: Getting The Used To It: Hand-gathering

[(Anonymous)]

I think the coping with money thing u can solve youself, using PT can b a good focus on decison making vs winning pots, as can playing more games, paradoxically.

As to the playing style thing I can only suggest an Abdul refresher. I dont know about the other ring game experts, maybe Aksu will correct me, but I would have never checked that turn in the example in the post above.

gl

dd

Re: Getting The Used To It: Hand-gathering

[(Anonymous)]

Sorry, I should also add that losing 10 big bets is so inconsequential as to be meaningless...I would be "happy" losing up to 30 in a session b4 I though of calling it a day.

cheers

dd

[slowjoe.livejournal.com]

I know, I know, nothing that a little bit of luck won't cure instantly. But when the luck isn't there, it's a dangerous time for me. Even though the sum total so far has been a mere 15% of what's in my Party account and, well, no percent at all of the total bankroll. But all of a sudden the self-doubt creeps in. I don't have that worry at the lower level. But here, I say to myself maybe you just aren't good enough. How do I answer that?

How do I cope with this mental struggle? Easy answers on a postcard please.


I think only you know. Perhaps you could simply identify a "take a shot" bankroll a la Andy Ward recently, then play till you've proven yourself either good enough or not good enough. Perhaps you could play in the comfort zone (2-4) and move up if you get ahead a certain amount either in a day, or over a week. Another approach would be to create separate 2-4 and 5-10 bankrolls, fund them with x big bets as per whatever guidelines you like, and play out of them as you desire, mixing a certain number of hours of each.

You are playing for enjoyment, I think, and if you aren't enjoying it, then the goal of the exercise is being missed. Redefine things so that you are back in your comfort zone, doing whatever it takes to get there.