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Succumbing to a global reaction against religion, fomented by the likes of Richard Dawkins, God has announced a "strategic repositioning" of the Heaven brand, and has agreed to take a "less hands-on" approach to omnipotence.
God has come under increasing levels of criticism in recent years, frequently along the lines of "If he's all-powerful, why does he let all those bad things happen?". In response, God has announced that Heaven will be consolidating with Hell in an "all-for-one, good-or-bad, comprehensive after-life experience". He will also be changing his job role to that of "Co-Universal Leader".
"I shall be running the ship from Monday to Thursday, while Satan will be co-universal leader at the weekends", God announced in a press conference, held yesterday on Mount Sinai.
Joining God at the press conference, which had been organized by the All-World Alliance of Religions, Satan said:
"Obviously I am delighted that Heaven and Hell have decided to work together in promulgating religion in the face of greater and greater threats from atheists and those wishy-washy agnostics. God and I have already held detailed talks on new marketing campaigns and a possible rebranding. Our first move has been to make Richard Dawkins a demi-god with superpowers, but not omnipotence."
Mr Dawkins was not immediately available for comment. He was understood to be in Los Angeles, where he has taken a role on the next series of Heroes.
God noted that Satan "brings a long and successful CV to the table, having dealt with most of the major players in history. Recent consultancy roles with several major listed companies have shown what a positive impact Satan will bring to the new after-life offering. One of our particular new campaigns will be that 'Now you know you will be together with your loved one in the after-life'."
As a result of the consolidation, Purgatory plc, an existing joint venture between the two operations, will be closed. God said that he hoped there would be no forced redundancies, and promised that all Purgatory staff would be consulted about their future.
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God has come under increasing levels of criticism in recent years, frequently along the lines of "If he's all-powerful, why does he let all those bad things happen?". In response, God has announced that Heaven will be consolidating with Hell in an "all-for-one, good-or-bad, comprehensive after-life experience". He will also be changing his job role to that of "Co-Universal Leader".
"I shall be running the ship from Monday to Thursday, while Satan will be co-universal leader at the weekends", God announced in a press conference, held yesterday on Mount Sinai.
Joining God at the press conference, which had been organized by the All-World Alliance of Religions, Satan said:
"Obviously I am delighted that Heaven and Hell have decided to work together in promulgating religion in the face of greater and greater threats from atheists and those wishy-washy agnostics. God and I have already held detailed talks on new marketing campaigns and a possible rebranding. Our first move has been to make Richard Dawkins a demi-god with superpowers, but not omnipotence."
Mr Dawkins was not immediately available for comment. He was understood to be in Los Angeles, where he has taken a role on the next series of Heroes.
God noted that Satan "brings a long and successful CV to the table, having dealt with most of the major players in history. Recent consultancy roles with several major listed companies have shown what a positive impact Satan will bring to the new after-life offering. One of our particular new campaigns will be that 'Now you know you will be together with your loved one in the after-life'."
As a result of the consolidation, Purgatory plc, an existing joint venture between the two operations, will be closed. God said that he hoped there would be no forced redundancies, and promised that all Purgatory staff would be consulted about their future.
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