Hosepipe bans
Jan. 16th, 2008 08:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
peterbirksI've never quite figured out this hosepipe thingy. As a soon-to-be owner of a garden, I just can't get my head round the restrictions that are or are not imposed.
Now, let me get this straight. At the moment the garden is wet. Soaking wet. I don't know where the water table is, but I'm fairly sure it's higher than usual. So, what does the government say? It says that I can use a hosepipe on the lawn as much as I like, soaking an already soaked ground and exacerbating the flood risk.
Now, go back 18 months or so. The grass is brown; the ground is cake-clay-hard. The poor old ground is dry as a bone and is crying out for water.
And what does the government do? It bans you from using hosepipes on the lawn, that's what.
I mean, surely it should be the other way round?
"We haven't got the water" they say.
Well, NMP, pal, 'cos I certainly haven't got it. And the water must have gone somewhere.....
Now, let me get this straight. At the moment the garden is wet. Soaking wet. I don't know where the water table is, but I'm fairly sure it's higher than usual. So, what does the government say? It says that I can use a hosepipe on the lawn as much as I like, soaking an already soaked ground and exacerbating the flood risk.
Now, go back 18 months or so. The grass is brown; the ground is cake-clay-hard. The poor old ground is dry as a bone and is crying out for water.
And what does the government do? It bans you from using hosepipes on the lawn, that's what.
I mean, surely it should be the other way round?
"We haven't got the water" they say.
Well, NMP, pal, 'cos I certainly haven't got it. And the water must have gone somewhere.....
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no subject
Date: 2008-01-16 10:46 am (UTC)Here are some things you can do with it.
1) Is there access for a car? In which case rent it out as a car park.
2) Is there secure access for people on foot? In which case rent it out as a camping ground for Albanians. Take a percentage of whatever they steal. You are the new Fagin.
3) Build an extension to encompass the whole garden. Rent out the new rooms. You are the new Nicholas van Hoogstraten.
4) Do like most Londoners do, forget it exists.
5) Grass it over entirely because you can't be "aksed to do gardening, know wot I mean". Put rainwater barrels at the end of your drain pipes so you can water the God damned grass because that is more than enough water for a year.
6) Cast aside your material life. Resign from work. Take on as many renters to cover your living expenses. Retire to the garden to grow your new vegetarian diet.
My own choice is 7) Why buy? Sell everything and leave London. Become Peter Birks gardener at say... £10 per hour plus costs.