A Criminal Tale
Jan. 15th, 2006 09:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
In Freakonomics, Levitt & Dubner ask (rhetorically) why drug dealers live with their mothers, noting that the foot soldiers could probably earn more at McDonald's.
One theory might be that a guy at McDonald's doesn't have much to aspire to — he doesn't see his boss wearing 5kg of bling and driving a Terrari Fasterossa. Drug dealing on the street might be very, very dangerous, but it provides a dream and a bit of excitement.
Another theory might be that foot-soldier drug dealers are as thick as shit — too thick, indeed, for a job a McDonald's. Hell, anyone willing to risk their lives for a pittance is hardly going to be in the top 50% when it comes to brains or common sense.
Initially I leaned towards the first theory, but my experience this morning has pushed me at least a little way towards the "thick as shit" theory, soon to be revealed in my forthcoming opus "Birksonomics — how the surprsing continued strength of the dollar is linked to the cocaine trade".
...to bring about this minor epiphany?
Well, I walked up the hill to the car, preparing to give it its weekly drive, just to stop the battery going flat. And I noticed that the door was unlocked. Odd, I thought, I'm normally quite careful. Unlike me to forget to lock the car.
And it's definitely unlike me to forget that I have ripped out the ignition wires. Mainly because ripping out ignition wires is not something I tend to do. Ever.
So, clearly somehow someone had got into the car (had I left it unlocked? I don't think so.) and tried to hot-wire start it, and failed. They then stole, as far as I can recall, some de-icer and WD-40. Not thefts likely to to exceed my deductible (or "attachment point" as we in the insurance trade call it).
So, here are some hints to you wannabe car thieves:
1) If you plan to hot-wire the car, learn how to hot-wire the car first. Do not adopt the Bart Simpson line when asked "I thought you could play the violin?" with the reply "I just assumed that I could".
2) and this is very important. Do not leave your mobile phone in the footwell of the passenger seat.
After the AA guy came, put the wires back together, and started the paperwork, he said, "is that your mobile phone?", pointing to the hitherto unseen item. "No, I replied". "Well, this might be one for Lewisham's Dumbest Criminals if they ever show it on TV," the AA guy said.
So, we carefully placed the phone in a plastic bag and, a couple of hours later I took it to the police station. This brings us to:-
3) If you are going to try to steal a car but fail, and if you insist on leaving behind your mobile phone, do not make your most recent call to "Mum". This is a little bit of a clue when it comes to identification.
So, after leaving the desk sergeant chuckling into his morning coffee, I came back home. Lost an hour or two playing on Party, but Sunday morning isn't that loose a time anyway. Picked up $25 at a couple of rock-like tables, and left for other matters.
Marvellous.
Here's a picture that I took in Vegas. No-one will be taking this picture again, since it was from my room at the Boardwalk.

One theory might be that a guy at McDonald's doesn't have much to aspire to — he doesn't see his boss wearing 5kg of bling and driving a Terrari Fasterossa. Drug dealing on the street might be very, very dangerous, but it provides a dream and a bit of excitement.
Another theory might be that foot-soldier drug dealers are as thick as shit — too thick, indeed, for a job a McDonald's. Hell, anyone willing to risk their lives for a pittance is hardly going to be in the top 50% when it comes to brains or common sense.
Initially I leaned towards the first theory, but my experience this morning has pushed me at least a little way towards the "thick as shit" theory, soon to be revealed in my forthcoming opus "Birksonomics — how the surprsing continued strength of the dollar is linked to the cocaine trade".
...to bring about this minor epiphany?
Well, I walked up the hill to the car, preparing to give it its weekly drive, just to stop the battery going flat. And I noticed that the door was unlocked. Odd, I thought, I'm normally quite careful. Unlike me to forget to lock the car.
And it's definitely unlike me to forget that I have ripped out the ignition wires. Mainly because ripping out ignition wires is not something I tend to do. Ever.
So, clearly somehow someone had got into the car (had I left it unlocked? I don't think so.) and tried to hot-wire start it, and failed. They then stole, as far as I can recall, some de-icer and WD-40. Not thefts likely to to exceed my deductible (or "attachment point" as we in the insurance trade call it).
So, here are some hints to you wannabe car thieves:
1) If you plan to hot-wire the car, learn how to hot-wire the car first. Do not adopt the Bart Simpson line when asked "I thought you could play the violin?" with the reply "I just assumed that I could".
2) and this is very important. Do not leave your mobile phone in the footwell of the passenger seat.
After the AA guy came, put the wires back together, and started the paperwork, he said, "is that your mobile phone?", pointing to the hitherto unseen item. "No, I replied". "Well, this might be one for Lewisham's Dumbest Criminals if they ever show it on TV," the AA guy said.
So, we carefully placed the phone in a plastic bag and, a couple of hours later I took it to the police station. This brings us to:-
3) If you are going to try to steal a car but fail, and if you insist on leaving behind your mobile phone, do not make your most recent call to "Mum". This is a little bit of a clue when it comes to identification.
So, after leaving the desk sergeant chuckling into his morning coffee, I came back home. Lost an hour or two playing on Party, but Sunday morning isn't that loose a time anyway. Picked up $25 at a couple of rock-like tables, and left for other matters.
Marvellous.
Here's a picture that I took in Vegas. No-one will be taking this picture again, since it was from my room at the Boardwalk.

Criminal Intellect
Date: 2006-01-16 10:06 am (UTC)best story for a while :-)
Reminds me of a tale from the local shopkeeper when I lived in Caversham. A couple of lads came in to buy booze, handed over a stolen card and one proceeded to sign his OWN NAME on the slip!
JG
Re: Criminal Intellect
Date: 2006-01-17 12:07 pm (UTC)The funniest example was a hooded youth (male) who attempted to purchase 2 bottles of champagne and 200 benson & hedges with platinum Amex card in the name of 'Dr Penelope Hartington'. I took great delight in saying "I'm sorry Penelope, but I just have to call your bank to confirm security details on your card".