I Never Asked To Be Your Mountain

[peterbirks]

Women have an uncanny ability to telephone you at inconvenient times. Just as I was sitting there with JJ in the small-blind, three-bet preflop and reraised by the initial raiser, with two live opponents, on a flop of J86 rainbow, and the prospect of a hand that not even I could conspire to fuck up, the phone rang.

This time it was a woman at Betfair.

"Er, could you hold on a second", I said, "I'm in the middle of a ginormous pot."

"No problem, I've got my cup of tea," she said.

When we eventually got round to the conversation (oh, I won the $110 pot, many thanks, although the poker gods didn't take long to get their own back -- I later went nought for three with aces in just 60 hands on Noble Poker, the first two times when I was just about 90% favourite on the flop) said nice lady asked me whether I was happy with Betfair's performance. Clearly my withdrawal of a four-figure sum and absence from the poker and betting emporia in recent months had not escaped their attention.

"Well, your new poker software sucks beyond belief".

"Oh, did you like the old software?"

"Well, no, the Cryptologic software sucks as well, but the new Betfair software is even worse than that".

"What about the non-poker content?"

"Well, it's fine, but my company won't let me access the site any more, and I like to bet on the cricket in running. Hence my absence."

"Oh, well, we are offering selected clients a free £20 if you place any bet or bets worth £10 within the next 48 hours."

"That's fine. I'll do that, then."

"Oh, and you don't have to put the whole £10 on a single bet, if those stakes are too high..."

"Er, no, I think I'll just put on one £10 bet".

"Excellent, well, I'll let you get back to your poker".

"Thanks, bye."


The point here is, now that I think about it, my business is probably worth about $20,000 to $30,000 a year to gambling sites. The money doesn't come from me, of course (a specious argument frequently put forward by the weak-tight multitablers posting on 2+2). It comes from losers, via me. But, as far as the sites are concerned, it comes from me. I am, in others words, a valuable customer. If they have proper customer tracking software, any absence should be noted, and offers like this should become more frequent. We shall see.

+++++

Web access via mobile phone had always struck me as, in my particular case, a pointless exercise. I was at the computer so often that accessing the web, for those short periods when I was not at a computer or within range of one, seemed rather silly. However, that phone call confirmed a conclusion I had come to a couple of days previously, that, with a number of sites being blocked by my work computer, mobile phone access suddenly didn't look so irrelevant to my needs.

A couple of days ago I downloaded Operamini, Opera's browser for mobile phones. It took me 20 minutes to work out where it had stored itself (within the "Java Applications" part of the phone, rather than within the "web" section) and I couldn't access my home e-mail on BTYahoo (I'll try to work out that one later), but, overall, it worked quite well.

I see now that Finspreads and Betfair also have bespoke mobile phone applications. I know that some of the poker sites are well forward on this as well, but, hell, I think that might be going a bit too far. Then again, for those quiet moments in the office...

The other option at work would be to buy a second laptop and set up some wifi connection from my desk (I'm sure I'll be able to find some way to do that, even if it's via a mobile phone connection)

++++

I've downloaded High Stakes Poker Series Three Episode One, but it took a couple of overnights to do it. Then again, this episode ios a month old. Perhaps the newer files will download quicker.

Then I started playing it on the machine and it began jumping badly on Windows Media Player (cue the normal shit of "run it on [insert poster's beloved pet non-Microsoft system here]. It's brilliant.")

Yeah, well, I've installed most of them in my time, and there's always a downside. Real Player is an absolute disgrace these days (I've gone back to version 8.0 on both machines). I have a couple of bespoke .avi players on one compluter, but I play .avis on my machine so rarely, that I forget where the hell they are or, indeed, what the hell they are called. Then, when I find them, I forget how they work.

So, I adopted my normal solution of spending an hour's burning time putting it onto video CD, thus reminding myself that my computer really is getting rather old. The VCD plays well on my DVD in the main room and then I can watch the show from the comfort of the sofa, on a proper TV without background PC noise.

PC users "block out" the noise of their computer, but you really notice its absence when you turn the machine off.

+++++++++

The dentist's receptionist telephone yesterday to say that they would have to reschedule my brace-fitting appointment because the bloody things hadn't arrived yet. So, another week to wait.

Five weeks today until Vegas, and it gets more attractive by the hour.

Comments

Betfair

[(Anonymous)]

I never played at the old Betfair site but have played on Crypto's and the software is poor. I recently downloaded the Betfair software for 30% Rakeback and mainly because Poker Player Magazine runs some good competitions there.

I honestly think Betfair's new software is worse than even Pafishic Poker (888.com) and that is saying something! It boots me off at least once every 10 minutes, it looks like a car crash and the sounds are annoying too. Free cash is always +EV though!

Yorkshire Pudding (http://yorkshirepuddingpoker.blogspot.com)

Re: Betfair

[peterbirks.livejournal.com]

There should be a competition for the truly worst software out there. I'm convinced that most were designed without consulting onlinepoker players, because Pokerstars and Full Tilt have been around for a while, so it's not as if there are no examples available of how it should be done.

Betfair's poker software first had me utterly puzzled ("how many tables do you want to play? Well, how the fuck should I know?) and then aghast in disbelief. I tried one hand, I think, before leaving in disgust. So I never persisted long enough to be booted off... But what I recall of it still has me shaking my head in disbelief that such crap should be foisted on players when other sites were available to show you how it should be done.

Inthis sense, Pacific and Ultimate have some excuses -- they have been around a long time. I don't know how long they have been running Boss Media, but that is clearly a site not designed with British or American players in mind. That's a hard thing to describe, but it would be hard to imagine a Scandinavian poker software company coming up with something as adrenalin-pumped as Ultimate Bet, where the heads-up games can knock out 300 hands an hour. On Boss Media (Virgin, for example), you have time to read a book, phone a friend and then make a cup of coffee if you fold pre-flop and are waiting for the next hand. Indeed, even when it's your turn, you have time to make that cup of coffee before you are timed out.

PJ

[ribmeister.livejournal.com]

My business in the last 6 months has been worth $32,000 to Pokerstars. Atleast, that's the rake they have made off me.

[countingmyouts.livejournal.com]

Hi Peter:

"The money doesn't come from me, of course (a specious argument frequently put forward by the weak-tight multitablers posting on 2+2)."

You mean weak-tight multitablers like the SB below, right?

Poker Stars
Limit Holdem Ring game
Limit: $2/$4

10 players

Pre-flop: (10 players) Michael is UTG with [Ah As]
Michael raises, 5 folds, CO calls, Button folds, SB 3-bets, BB calls, Michael caps, CO calls, SB calls, BB calls.

Flop: [9s Qh 2s] (16SB, 4 players)
SB checks, BB checks, Michael bets, CO calls, SB calls, BB folds.

Turn: [Td] (9.5BB, 3 players)
SB checks, Michael bets, CO calls, SB calls.

River: [5s] (12.5BB, 3 players)
SB checks, Michael bets, CO calls, SB calls.

Results:

Final pot: 15.5BB

Michael showed [Ah As]
SB showed [Ad Ac]
CO mucks [Tc Kc]

Worst software? Boss Media, hands down.

--Michael

[badblood44.livejournal.com]

(cue the normal shit of "run it on [insert poster's beloved pet non-Microsoft system here]. It's brilliant.")

DivX Video Player is your friend. http://www.divx.com/

[jellymillion.livejournal.com]

If they have proper customer tracking software, any absence should be noted, and offers like this should become more frequent. We shall see.

If they're really smart they'll realise that they need to follow the money past the winner to where he got it from. Winners will stay around as long as there are losers so the sites need to put the effort into keeping the losers coming back.

The other option at work would be to buy a second laptop and set up some wifi connection from my desk

It's probably worth checking to see what, if anything you can access. For example, I brought my lap top into work to discover that there's a commercial wireless access point in the Broadgate Exchange, a pub four floors below my desk. Monthly rates are almost viable if usage was high enough. Alternatively, there's the option of a PC card mobile phone connection plugin thingy or venturing into Bluetooth.

...dentist...

I got a shiny new crown today. I'll get another one in a fortnight, with a shiny new bill.

[peterbirks.livejournal.com]

Hi Mike,

You wrote "If they're really smart they'll realise that they need to follow the money past the winner to where he got it from".

Precisely. This was the secret of Party's success (get a constant supply of new players through diligent marketing) and illustrates the fallacy in the line, frequently argued on 2+2, that "I play 3,000 hands a day. Party should be good to me because I generate so much money for them....", because these guys will hang around wherever there are losers and their EV is highest. Bonuses are gravy for these players. Fish are the real food. Why else would I play more on Party, where I have to fight a rake for the bad beat jackpot and a worse rake per hand than on Stars or on Full Tilt? The answer is that I still do better per 100 hands in the BBJ games than I do in the "better value" Full Tilt or Pokerstars games.

Jesse May takes the line that he doesn't favour rakeback schemes, because he sees no reason to encourage winning players. He thinks that they will carry on playing anyway. Although this misses the line that rakeback can differentiate on the margin, he may have a point. Perhaps all but a few winning players (those right on the margin) would carry on playing even if no rakeback were available.

However, the flaw in this line is that, eventually, the site's liquidity is fucked. The problem with having a site with no winners is that you often don't have a game.

Then again, how solid is this "we provide liquidity" line so frequently spiouted on 2+2? How "liquid" is a site where 10 tables are running, occupied by five single-tablers and 35 multi-multi tablers? As soon as two of these six-tablers leave, others drop out automatically (because their software does that for them, and all of a sudden you have 10 tables, all with four players at them. The "liquidity" line, accurate for B&M casinos, where you need the seven or eight rock-like players who turn up at 10am every day to get the game going, is less accurate for online offerings.

Ah yes, a PC card mobile plug-in; I'd forgotten about that option. But my first try would simply to see if any unprotected wireless connection was available in the environs of my desk. After all, I sit at the window, high up, and this is Noho, the heart of small-business clothing importers, not the City, where everything is tied up like the Bank of England.

PJ

[jellymillion.livejournal.com]

I don't think there can be a site with no winners. Not unless everyone's the fishiest of fishy fish. If you take out all the players who are currently net winners then there should be a new group who will become winners out of the ones who are left. I wonder if they'd take longer to get their money? Good news for the site if so: the money would stay in circulation longer and get raked more times.

Perhaps the biggest winners should be politely asked to leave? Wouldn't be a problem for me. Actually if the Stars O8 games were stripped of, for example, davebreal, it would be seriously +EV for the likes of me.

Will Hills (all Crypto?) pay a time-at-table related bonus which they doubled if you started a table. I assume they still do. I tried it once, got killed short-handed and didn't bother again.

Alight at the Opera

[(Anonymous)]

Ah! Opera. What a great browser. Comprehensively ripped off by Firefox and now by Internet Explorer. Perhaps they will survive by serving the mobile appliances market but I suspect the company's reward for the innovation they have inspired over the last 10 years will be to go belly-up before the decade is over.

I can't resist your invitation to nominate my favourite media player. It's called Quintessential, available from http://www.quinnware.com/ . It's nice and stable, with a good track info retrieval database behind it (probably the same used as most of the others!)

I am not sure how I got to the following URL:
http://fixedearth.com/

It was either via a link on one of your readers' blogs or something I was researching on Mormons, but I think you will find it interesting. Convincing, even. I am certainly prepared to believe that the earth is held in space by a giant electro magnet and that the rest of the universe revolves around it. I think the author of this web site sat next to me on a bus once. More than once, actually. He is the eponymous looney on the bus.



John H.
http://my.opera.com/fiendishgames/blog/

Re: Alight at the Opera

[(Anonymous)]

Web browsers are the work of the devil, and don't you forget it, John. Opera has always been a neater piece of work than most, but it's still the spawn of Satan.

Actually I suspect it has, by now, established its niche, much as, say, the Mac has. God knows, a very large number of people still drive around Birmingham in Rover cars, and there's no earthly reason for that, is there?

I am rather taken by the ontological proof of the bible through a dime-store electromagnetic toy, though. I regret to admit that I checked in on the site immediately. The section on geostationary satellites is particularly informative (some of them are in a clockwise orbit, as opposed to the earth's counter-clockwise orbit, apparently. Whatever that means. It certainly seems to be a bizarre claim to make whilst attempting to disprove that they exist). I loved juicy little quotes like "an apparently equal gravitational force of some 14.7 lbs psi covers the surface of the Earth" (proving once again that American math teaching is aimed at the sub-moron level) and "One thing is certain regarding both models: Some force or combination of forces which no one really understands is keeping those particular satellites—unlike thousands of others—overhead at all times." Which of course would be electro-magnetism. As specified in the Bible. It isn't clear to me why God would shape a giant toroid magnet and place it at the equator 44,472 miles above the Earth's surface (assuming equal magnetic attraction with the Earth), but presumably He also made the theory of gravity look so absurdly simple in comparison just so that he could have a good laugh ... I suppose if you're God, you need a good laugh every now and again.

One thing that John didn't note, however, is the fact that this site harps on and on about the Kabbalah. Why is it that all American nutters are also anti-semitic?

Anyway, John, you can rest assured that this particular loony has never sat next to you on the bus. I mean, he has proof positive that gravity doesn't exist. You'd have noticed him. He would have been floating about 18" above the seat ...

[simong-uk.livejournal.com]

HSP3 is good enough on YouTube, can't see the point in wasting all that time p155ing around with torrents unless you enjoy doing it, which it doesn't sound like you do...

[peterbirks.livejournal.com]

Hi Simon:

1) You Tube is not good enough for HSP3; well, not for me. "Part One of five?" No thanks. And resolution not good enough.

2) I am the BitTorrent Master of the Universe. It isn't my fault that the seeders have such shitty upload power.

3) I watched the first episode at lunchtime. Is it me, or is some of the play distinctly sub-par? Even a couple of Doyle's plays (what was he thinking with that set of fives when he checked the flop on a board of 578?) struck me as less than optimal. Is it time to start talking about emperors and a lack of clothes? Then again, I thought Victor Ramdin played okay, from what I saw, and I like Sheikhan's style (apart from when he checked those three queens on the flop....). And even Matusow read a couple exactly right.

As for the plays of Gold and Chen, well, at least Chen showed style, if not a great deal of quality.

Now, if only Mike could quit an hour and a half in.....

PJ

wireless access

[danmonkey.livejournal.com]

Who is your broadband provider?

With BT's better packages you get 250 minutes a month of 'openzone' minutes which are accepted on most commercial networks such as 'the cloud'. In practice you get 3000 minutes a year stuck into your account which is plenty for me to make the occasional foray online when there is no open network handy to hijack. With my useage levels the whole package works out cheaper than a mobile wireless card.

Re: wireless access

[peterbirks.livejournal.com]

On October 3rd I received a "Take BT Total Broadband with you when you are out and about" e-mail. This offered me these free BT openzone minutes, and a "click here to collect your voucher".


But I never actually got around to doing anything about it, partially because, although my BT Broadband connection is stable and does not suffer from overcrowding (the two things that matter to me most, which is why I've stuck with BT Broadband for seven years), their customer service when it comes to their myriad of new products is awful. Twice I have tried to sign up for BT Home Hub, and twice, absolutely nothing has happened. They just haven't followed it up. As we know, miost marketing operations are fucking hopeless (look at the Talk Talk disaster at Carphone Warehouse) where the sellers have no idea about bottlenecks in the supply process -- partially I guess because if they had half a brain, theywouldn't be sales people.

Anyhoo, this had an "I agree to the terms and conditions" button. It was only here that I saw some vague indication of how the whole thing worked.


So, I've clicked and accepted it. Let's see if anything arrives...

PJ