I don't think that "despise" is the right term. Indeed, I was going to write in this piece above: "I count many of them among my friends", but then I realized that this in itself begged the question "do they count me the same way?"
I think where our opinions might part (although I make no judgements on this, I just express my personal preference) is , if your answer to the question: "do you keep written notes of personal things such as these people's kids' names, or their wife's name" etc?" is "yes", then my point would be that they can't be a real friend, but your keeping these notes is to make you appear to them as a real friend. It's a falsity that I don't like. However, if you can keep these things in your head, or if you just say "I'm sorry, I've forgotten your son's name", then that's genuine. And if it makes both you and the person on the receiving end of such a falsity happier then, well, good luck all round!
However, you part answer this, (and we part company in opinion) when you write "I know my life is made easier by people being nice to me even if it is not completely sincere". I just can't handle this in life. I know that it makes me the oddball, and not you. But I really do find myself taking some odd kind of moral (and therefore judgemental) stance here. I could never be insincere to make someone else's life easier, because I think that this just stores up more problems for later on. And I would never want anyone else to be insicnere to make my life easier, for the same reason. So many times the conversation has been along the lines "I didn't say that because I didn't want to hurt his/her feelings" when (for me) the underlying text is "I didn't say that because I want to be liked, and the bearers of bad news aren't ever liked". That leaves some other poor bastard (usually me!) to take the role of "Mr Bad Guy" and be the one who makes people face the truth.
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Date: 2010-03-07 08:31 pm (UTC)I don't think that "despise" is the right term. Indeed, I was going to write in this piece above: "I count many of them among my friends", but then I realized that this in itself begged the question "do they count me the same way?"
I think where our opinions might part (although I make no judgements on this, I just express my personal preference) is , if your answer to the question: "do you keep written notes of personal things such as these people's kids' names, or their wife's name" etc?" is "yes", then my point would be that they can't be a real friend, but your keeping these notes is to make you appear to them as a real friend. It's a falsity that I don't like. However, if you can keep these things in your head, or if you just say "I'm sorry, I've forgotten your son's name", then that's genuine. And if it makes both you and the person on the receiving end of such a falsity happier then, well, good luck all round!
However, you part answer this, (and we part company in opinion) when you write "I know my life is made easier by people being nice to me even if it is not completely sincere". I just can't handle this in life. I know that it makes me the oddball, and not you. But I really do find myself taking some odd kind of moral (and therefore judgemental) stance here. I could never be insincere to make someone else's life easier, because I think that this just stores up more problems for later on. And I would never want anyone else to be insicnere to make my life easier, for the same reason. So many times the conversation has been along the lines "I didn't say that because I didn't want to hurt his/her feelings" when (for me) the underlying text is "I didn't say that because I want to be liked, and the bearers of bad news aren't ever liked". That leaves some other poor bastard (usually me!) to take the role of "Mr Bad Guy" and be the one who makes people face the truth.
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